Catégorie : Autistically yours

Musings of a neuroatypical person in a typical world.

I am a palm tree in Scandinavia …

mariebwolf

A drawn palm tree in front of a picture of a snowy forest, with the texts "I am a palm tree in Scandinavia" "I am parlm tree" "actually autistic"Or a polar bear in the Mediterranean region.

A while ago I found that comparison to explain the life of neurodivergent people in a world built by and for neurotypical people:

Imagine a palm tree. In its natural environment, it’s in good health – except in cases of ilness or parasites.
Now, plant it in the ground in a Scandinavian forest.
As far as I know, it will have a lot more difficulties to survive, and it might even not make it at all.

Another comparison: move a polar bear to the Mediterranean region. He’s not going to like it at all.

The difference between a palm tree and neurodivergent people is that everyone (or almost?) will not get upset against the palm tree and tell it it could try harder.
We understand it’s not supposed to live there.
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February check-in

mariebwolf

I have been hesitating to post this as I find it insensitive, considering the current geopolitical situation – a.k.a. the war in Ukraine – and even more so with the latest developments.

I admit there is something wrong with this way of thinking: why am I struggling now but not before, when conflicts and tragedies were already unfolding? (Although I regularly have bouts of feeling like this)
I don’t know. Maybe because I am European centric despite doing my best not to be?
Because I am thinking about other people around me who might be as well and I don’t want to look insensitive in their eyes?
Because it’s geographically closer to us than many other conflicts ? Although this has been going on for years, many of us are only realising the real situation now that it’s escalating.
Because the latests developments might impact us directly?

But my autistic brain doesn’t deal very well with the idea of something not being complete – in this case, a monthly article – so I decided to write a little account of my month of February and post it to bring some appeasement to my brain. Continuez la lecture

New calendar year (and a month)

mariebwolf

If you have the possibility to watch the series « Around the world in 80 days », (loosely) adapted from Jules Verne’s book and starring David Tennant, I suggest you have a look.

 

I wanted to wish you a happy new year sooner but my brain took a month to get back into writing mode.

I don’t know if it’s because I am autistic or if it’s due to what I’ve learned on social media but I have a hard time writing new year’s wishes.

Health? Yes, but chronic illnesses.
Love? Yes, but bad situations.
Money? Yes, but the unequal system we live in.
Success? Yes, but it doesn’t look the same for everybody.
Joy? Yes, but depression.
Etc.

I prefer wishing “the best” as I find it contains all of this.
When writing to people I know, I try to do personalised ones – joy, softness, creativity, good times with family…

This said, of course I wish you all of this, or something close to it depending on your situation.

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Long distance friendships

mariebwolf

There are several situations that can lead to a friendship moving to letters, or more recently to e-mails: in childhood, when meeting friends on holidays, at summer camps or when they move town ; later on, with friends met at university, or even friends from work.
There is also the situation of the pen pal, where the relationship starts by letters and can lead to an enduring friendship, sometimes without people ever meeting face to face.

Then there is the case of social networks.

Some people say friends met on them are not real friends yet the principle seems, to me anyway, very close to that of the pen pal: someone with whom one bonds over a common interest, whatever it may be.

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Social networks, community and autism

mariebwolf

I made a planning of future publications, mostly to know when which type is coming out, and I’m already making exceptions. Typical!

 

I recently made an attempt at coming back on social media, partly with the idea of getting this blog a bit better known and partly because I would like to exchange with people more.
My stay was brief both on Twitter and on Instagram and it will stay like this for a while more. There is still as much noise, which isn’t a surprise, but even trying to downsize my following triggered some anxiety.

I have to manually post on Instagram to share the articles so I will most likely stop by once a week, but I don’t take time yet to look at what’s posted and I still haven’t read my direct messages.

I still managed to land on a publication on Instagram, whilst going through my feed looking at accounts I want to unfollow, which talked about autism, social media and the community that can be found there.
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Summer review and “back to school”

mariebwolf

I have the intention to post more seriously and regularly (no promises), and I have a regular little project based on photos to share.
I’ve also changed the motto of the site to make it more fitting: Fantasy & Differences.

 

In May, I published « the summer of hope » which talked about my hope to be able to keep access to my bubble of calm this summer regardless of the social events planned.
I am very happy to say that I succeeded.
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Veganism and a long term love story with cheese are incompatible

mariebwolf

It’s true that autistic people have a special, even complicated, relationship with food. We are sensitive to tastes, textures, colours to a point that affects what we eat and how. We can eat the same food for days (months) at a time because that’s the one thing we like and can eat at that time.
That does play a role in my difficulty to become a vegan, but the difficulty goes beyond that.
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The summer of hope

mariebwolf

I read an article in The Guardian recently that was talking about what people had in mind for and hoped to do this summer and apparently it’s a lot about sex and meeting new (vaccinated) people. Or maybe that’s because the article was written with that angle.

In my case it’s « the same as usual », since last summer wasn’t much different from the previous ones.
Borders should be open and family friends should be able to come around so we’ll get to eat together, 6 (and 7) around the table.
My partner and I will spend our traditional 10 days in July together and celebrate our 6 years anniversary – we’re not sure whether it’ll involve (grounded) planes again or not.
There’ll be a couple of birthdays, so a couple of meals – we’re French (and Swiss) after all.
Hopefully there’ll be waves and I’ll get to jump in them. I am not a major fan of going to the beach but I love waves.
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Overwhelming social networks

mariebwolf

I have a Facebook account which I don’t really visit, and a page for my blog on which posts are automatically shared.
I’ve had several Twitter accounts, two of which are still actives but currently on hold – except for the blog articles automatically posted on one of them.
I have an Instagram account, also on hold.

I have spent countless hours on them, and always ended up in the same state: overwhelmed. I also get a bit depressed and anxious – but that might be part of being overwhelmed?
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I ask – unwillingly – too much of others. Really?

mariebwolf

I struggle with self-acceptance and regularly have some sort of relapses where I consider what I ask of others as too much and unfair on them.

I must have heard a couple of times during my younger years that I shouldn’t put what I was going through on to others but my mind working as it does, it translated into “if I can’t manage it on my own, I am a bad person and I am not trying hard enough”.
I have extended this from emotions to anything to do with my disabilities.
(Part of what I was going through was due to my – then undiagnosed – disabilities. I’d say a lot was.)
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