Nestor, alias Nessie, illustrious unknown of Inverness

Nestor, Nessie for his close ones – there aren’t that many, is the owner of the Loch Ness tea parlour, a tea parlour around the theme of the loch and its most famous and discreet inhabitant.


On the menu: “tea of the loch”, a blend of seaweeds and local plants – the recipe of which has been kept secret for centuries by its creator, that exists in two versions – without tea, the initial recipe, and with tea coming from one of the plantations in Scotland ; several cakes with flavours of local plants and berries and with names reminding one of the area ; cookies “Nessie-shaped”, the shape of which is quite close to the original ; local whisky – for a “Scottish” tea ; a tea time on Saturday afternoon and a brunch on Sunday morning, both made with local products.

The decoration follows the theme too: prints of old pictures on which the “Loch Ness monster” appears, dating back from the time when non-humans weren’t much at risk of seeing their existence revealed to all ; tea services, cushion covers and prints illustrated by plants, local buildings and the local celebrity – one of the tea services strangely conjures up the image of one with the Queen on it ; and cuddly toys for sale – Nestor is always surprised by the capacity humans have of still enjoying cute things once adults whilst forgetting how they used to see life when they were children.

The Loch Ness tea parlour isn’t only a touristic venue for fans of Nessie. It’s also a place enjoyed by local non-humans, who often tease its owner for his taste regarding the decoration – which makes him seem a bit egocentric for someone who doesn’t know him.


Even though Nestor appreciates his human clients, one must make a living, after all, and they are mostly pleasant, he is quite annoyed at how humans appropriate everything.
They overrun space, regardless of nature or non-humans’ needs. The latests aren’t supposed to exist, but still.

Once upon a time – a long time ago – non-humans could enjoy nature in their true form. Now, it’s impossible to go for a swim in a loch without a tourist posting a video on social networks under the title “I saw the Loch Ness monster!” which will of course bring more tourists, making swimming impossible except on a night of a new moon with a cloudy sky – both at the same time, one is never too careful.

And can we talk about the whole “monster” nickname? Anyone who knows Nestor will tell you he is a perfect gentleman, polite, discreet and friendly, with the fashion style of a librarian – corduroy jacket with elbow patches included.
Locals love to come and have a chat during the quiet season as he always has a listening ear, a kind word and a wise advice.


If you find yourself in Inverness one day you might be lucky to stumble upon this quite special tea parlour. Don’t hesitate to go in, you will always find a warm welcome.
And avoid outings on the side of the loch on cloudy nights of the new moon, Nestor would like to be able to go for a swim once in a while.

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