I ask – unwillingly – too much of others. Really?

I struggle with self-acceptance and regularly have some sort of relapses where I consider what I ask of others as too much and unfair on them.

I must have heard a couple of times during my younger years that I shouldn’t put what I was going through on to others but my mind working as it does, it translated into “if I can’t manage it on my own, I am a bad person and I am not trying hard enough”.
I have extended this from emotions to anything to do with my disabilities.
(Part of what I was going through was due to my – then undiagnosed – disabilities. I’d say a lot was.)
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Autistic and confined (part 2): resting outside of the world’s busyness

[Foreword: I am merely sharing my experience, and I don’t think it invalidates the experience of others.]

I know that this confinement is for a serious and severe reason and I am aware of the negative consequences it has and will have when it ends.

I don’t have to go out and the world is calm so to me this is a welcomed, because needed, rest.
I don’t have anxiety, I live at my own rhythm, my mind is freer – even though I am not always here, as I said in my previous article.

The world before this was tiring and aggressive and I have a feeling it’s going to be the same afterwards, although it will most likely come back progressively, so I savour the calm even if I apprehend what will come after – for this but also for all difficulties that already exist and that will carry on. I am not centred on myself, occulting what others go through.

I perceived the appointments I had as black blocs in the planner I have in my mind, and I had a hard time freeing myself of this on the days I didn’t haven any, even though there were more days on which I didn’t have any.
And depending on what I had done during the week and my current state (which changes depending on internal and external causes) I had difficulties finding the energy to do things on my “free” days.
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Mondes parallèles – Parallel universes

[English version below]

J’ai retrouvé ce texte, écrit le 31 mars 2017 et jamais publié, qui résonne particulièrement avec mon article précédent.

Et si, quand je rêve, je visitais d’autres « moi » ?
Et si tout se passait en même temps et au même endroit ?
Et si j’étais née et morte des centaines de fois ?

Quand je rêve que je tombe dans un vaisseau-navette qui va s’écraser, est-ce que je suis vraiment en train de rêver ?
Quand je rêve que je suis un espion qui sait voler, est-ce que je suis vraiment en train de rêver ?
Est-ce que je connais vraiment cette société secrète dont certains membres se réunissent sur une péniche sur le Canal Saint Martin* ?
Est-ce qu’il y a, quelque part dans le multivers, un vaisseau qui s’ouvre comme une fleur ?
Est-ce que les fées et les gnomes se demandent pourquoi on écrit des histoires à leur sujet plutôt que de les écouter ?
Est-ce que les chats savent voler et les dragons parler ? Et l’inverse serait aussi vrai ?
Est-ce que la reine de cœur veut vraiment couper des têtes ou est-ce qu’elle parle juste du mental à débrancher ?

Est-ce que ma folie c’est ma (sur)vie ?
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Autistic and confined (part 1): creation of stories in a parallel universe

I decided to post the French and English versions of this article separately to facilitate reading but I will carry on doing double posts for shorter, or lighter, reads.

[Foreword: I am merely sharing my experience, and I don’t think it invalidates the experience of others.]

We have been officially confined (in France) for three weeks now. I know some people count differently, following schools closure for example, but the general confinement was decreed as starting on Tuesday 17th of march.

The previous weekend I was watching the various announces and suppositions worriedly.
On one hand because I hadn’t done any “big shopping” – i.e. that last me for a long time so that I don’t have to go out – in quite a while since I was planning on going away, and I hadn’t been to do some “small” shopping (in the village) in a while because I was a bit sick and thought it was better to wait.
On the other hand because my parents were abroad – not far – and were supposed to come home on the 17th. They crossed the border without any problems.

All the messages I saw were calling for people to stay home so the idea of going shopping was stressing me out. I didn’t think I was really at risk but the idea that I could somehow carry the virus and spread it, contaminating other people, is worrying me.
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A new year to write

Happy new year!

I don’t do resolutions. I tried but I don’t think that works for me.
I don’t assess the last year – my birthday’s on the 30st of December, I sometimes do an impromptu assessment of my life then.

Yesterday evening, I asked myself what I wanted more of in my life in 2015:

Cuddles with cats and humans
Make love
Fun
Creations
Reading
Teas
Travels
Work
Energy
Passion
Creativity and realisations
Divinity, prayers, metaphysical travels, yoga,
Meditation
Massages
Writing books and articles
Walking
Visiting towns and people
Talking and sharing – email writing

My five words for the year – so far, they can change, life does that:

Life – Love – Energy – Creativity – Divinity

Now it’s your turn, what do you want more of in your life this year?


I studied « The Science of Happiness »

Banner MOOC The Science of HappinessI realised that, if you read English, you don’t need to wait for me to post my series of articles in French about the MOOC… You can just go and enjoy it yourself if the theme interests you!

I spent 10 weeks studying what is happiness, how it works in our body and what can help us be happier.
We covered biological facts, neurological facts, psychological facts, some philosophy and examples of practices to cultivate our happiness.

The themes per week:
Week 1: Introduction to the Science of Happiness – how to define and measure happiness
Week 2: Happiness & Human Connection – spoiler: being lonely is bad for our health and well-being
Week 3: Kindness & Compassion – from being kind to being helpful to being a hero
Week 4: Cooperation & Forgiveness – spoiler: we are built to cooperate, not compete, and forgiveness is good for our health
Week 5: Midterm Exam (and time to catch up on course material)
Week 6: Mindfulness, Attention, and Focus – being in the present moment fosters happiness, as long as we don’t nag at ourselves
Week 7: Mental Habits of Happiness: Self-Compassion, Flow, and Optimism – being kind to ourselves is good
Week 8: Gratitude – life is good and beautiful, even when it’s not
Week 9: Finding Your Happiness Fit and the New Frontiers – what practices work for you, and what science is now looking at
Week 10: catching up and final exam

Each week there are videos, articles, marked questions and at least one happiness practice to try out.

If you are intrigued by the themes, you want to know how happiness works and how you can cultivate it in your everyday life, then this course is worth checking out.

It’s available in a «at your own pace» style now, which makes it perfect for those of you wanting to casually learn about this.

To find out more about the course and sign-up if you want: edX UC Berkeley « The Science of Happiness »
I am not affiliated, I doubt edX and the Greater Good Science Centre even do affiliates… I just found this course really interesting and thought maybe you might too.

If you read French, I will be posting a series of articles presenting the themes in more detail – I’m just not sure when exactly as the holidays will be here soon…


How are you doing it?

Everyone’s doing it, yet most people can’t imagine talking about it.
Those who do are seen as ground-breakers.

And yet, it takes merely a day of struggling to do it for us to realise just how nice it is when we do it effortlessly, and often mindlessly.

Doing it shallowly is enough, but deeply is much better for our body.

Mindfully is the best: it helps us through stress, it reminds us we are alive.

How are you doing it, right now?
Close your eyes and feel your body, feel the movements, the air coming in and out – deeply, slowly.

Breathing, that’s what I’m talking about – of course, right? 😉

(I’ve been ill for the pas few days, breathing is a struggle, it has inspired me this article…)