I ask – unwillingly – too much of others. Really?

I struggle with self-acceptance and regularly have some sort of relapses where I consider what I ask of others as too much and unfair on them.

I must have heard a couple of times during my younger years that I shouldn’t put what I was going through on to others but my mind working as it does, it translated into “if I can’t manage it on my own, I am a bad person and I am not trying hard enough”.
I have extended this from emotions to anything to do with my disabilities.
(Part of what I was going through was due to my – then undiagnosed – disabilities. I’d say a lot was.)
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Autistic and confined (part 2): resting outside of the world’s busyness

[Foreword: I am merely sharing my experience, and I don’t think it invalidates the experience of others.]

I know that this confinement is for a serious and severe reason and I am aware of the negative consequences it has and will have when it ends.

I don’t have to go out and the world is calm so to me this is a welcomed, because needed, rest.
I don’t have anxiety, I live at my own rhythm, my mind is freer – even though I am not always here, as I said in my previous article.

The world before this was tiring and aggressive and I have a feeling it’s going to be the same afterwards, although it will most likely come back progressively, so I savour the calm even if I apprehend what will come after – for this but also for all difficulties that already exist and that will carry on. I am not centred on myself, occulting what others go through.

I perceived the appointments I had as black blocs in the planner I have in my mind, and I had a hard time freeing myself of this on the days I didn’t haven any, even though there were more days on which I didn’t have any.
And depending on what I had done during the week and my current state (which changes depending on internal and external causes) I had difficulties finding the energy to do things on my “free” days.
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Autistic and confined (part 1): creation of stories in a parallel universe

I decided to post the French and English versions of this article separately to facilitate reading but I will carry on doing double posts for shorter, or lighter, reads.

[Foreword: I am merely sharing my experience, and I don’t think it invalidates the experience of others.]

We have been officially confined (in France) for three weeks now. I know some people count differently, following schools closure for example, but the general confinement was decreed as starting on Tuesday 17th of march.

The previous weekend I was watching the various announces and suppositions worriedly.
On one hand because I hadn’t done any “big shopping” – i.e. that last me for a long time so that I don’t have to go out – in quite a while since I was planning on going away, and I hadn’t been to do some “small” shopping (in the village) in a while because I was a bit sick and thought it was better to wait.
On the other hand because my parents were abroad – not far – and were supposed to come home on the 17th. They crossed the border without any problems.

All the messages I saw were calling for people to stay home so the idea of going shopping was stressing me out. I didn’t think I was really at risk but the idea that I could somehow carry the virus and spread it, contaminating other people, is worrying me.
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